


Hit It Harder

by ginger_green



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Levi/Mikasa Friendship, Multi, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 07:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11619156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger_green/pseuds/ginger_green
Summary: "If you ever hurt someone from my squad again, I will break both of your legs, and I will watch them heal."





	1. Chapter 1

It was one of those clear and irresistibly beautiful nights in which there was no sleep for Captain Levi.

In fact, he hadn't had much sleep for many nights by now. One time he couldn't sustain the noise coming from Erwin's cabinet, just behind the next door from his own. Another there was a storm rambling and knocking on his windows until dawn. And then, like this time - there had been nights when he couldn't sleep, no matter how peaceful his environment was. Most of those nights were the ones he had to spend apart from the Commander.

 _Tea_ , he thought, while stepping outside the room around midnight. _A cup of tea instead of obnoxious thoughts. That will do some good._

He walked alongside the corridor wall, crouching in such a silence that every whisper and movement could have been revealed to him if there were any ahead, around the corner.

There were some.

"I told you not to follow me. For how long are you planning to keep this on, huh?"

Levi stopped. The voices were quiet, but he could hear them well without even seeing their owners yet. He listened. Two people were there. Arguing?..

"I'm sorry", the woman whispered, and Levi had to make an effort to hear her, "I wanted to know where you were going. You shouldn't leave the dormitory at this hour."

"Quit lecturing me", the guy speaking was clearly very irritated, almost furious. "I'm not your little kid!"

Levi stood, uncertain if he should intrude between the two. He knew these voices, indeed. The angry kid was Eren, there was no doubt; and there could only be one girl who would follow him away from the dormitories even that late at night.

It was forbidden for recruits to wander around after their bedtime, and the two would have been told off, should Levi catch them now. Truth, though, was that he was not fond of scolding little brats for hanging out late. Erwin insisted that it was important for the garrison to stay disciplined - very well, Levi will take care of that, no more and no less than the Commander's wish dictates.

So he approached, for now unspotted, to the corner of the corridor. The argument went on.

"Let go of me. I'm going outside."

"If the Captain sees you there, you'll be punished. He's a mean man."

"You don't talk about him! Maybe you're just jealous because he's stronger than you are."

"You've had a bad dream, right? You can talk to me."

"That's not your business. Leave me alone!"

And there was some noise and then - that one sound thrusted the silent night. And Levi didn't need to see - _he didn't want to see_ \- but the corner was right before him, and the night was bright, and he stepped and witnessed, just for a brief moment, the swinging motion of Mikasa's black hair, her flexing silhouette against the window, and the pale-tanned skin of Eren's hand so close to her face. And the slapping sound of a palm hurting the girl's cheek was still echoing in Levi's ears when the two of them froze, two dark figures on the other end of the moon-lighted hall.

The sound of a hit was something that Levi'd heard many times before. He would often think to himself that this sound was the first one in his life - it was a sound of a new client coming by to see his mother. Lifetime with Kenny was all soaked in blood and mud, and sounds varied there, but the slapping noise - someone's palm against the reddened cheek, someone's head jerking like that of a broken doll - was frequent amongst them. It filled Levi with anger. He rushed for them, still unsure what behaviour was more appropriate right now. He only felt the energy and the warmth of rage cursing through his arms to the clenching fists. The two turned to look at him, eyes widened and full of confusion; Eren's breath was heavy. He even seemed afraid, either by his own deed or just by the whole situation. But it didn't matter anymore.

"What the fuck's going on here?", Levi asked. He didn't recognize his own voice at first - it was icy cold, and threatening.

"Captain! I —"

"It was my fault, Captain", Mikasa's voice sounded as calm as it always would. Eren turned to her now, mouth still opened in total bewilderment.

"Mikasa, what are you —"

"Eren's had a bad dream. He walked out to grasp some fresh air."

For a second, Levi couldn't believe his ears. Is she protecting him?

"He was about to go back, but I —"

"Okay, shut up. You", Levi gazed at Eren's stunned face morbidly, "Come with me. And you", he looked at Mikasa, and his steel-grey gaze went softer, "You stay here and wait 'till I'm back."

"Captain Levi, I can explain —", Eren began once again.

"Sure you can, lil' shit."

The Captain went to the winding stairs at the end of the hall. Eren followed him in shame. The brass railing was cold, and it sparkled dimly and reflected their dark shadows as they walked downstairs, along the rare torches hanging from the walls of stone. It was chilly down here, and the air was humid and stale. They walked in twilight of the basement until Levi saw the door he was looking for - the door made of steel rods. The bolt rumbled as he pushed it and opened the cage.

"For tonight, you'll be sleeping here. This way, you won't hurt anyone in case if your anger goes out of control."

"Captain, please, just let me speak!"

"You will explain everything to me, but in the mornin'."

The boy kept his head low and obeyed, stepping inside the cage which was almost empty, aside from the chamber pot and the hard narrow bed. The door slammed, and the rusty bolt returned to its place with a deep groan. And then, the Captain left.

When he came back to the place where Mikasa was waiting for him, he found her sitting in a spot of moonlight, leaning against the wall. Her face was half-covered with the red scarf. Her eyes were staring into nowhere. There were blinking traces of tears on her cheeks. Levi stood next to her for a good minute, and it didn't seem like she noticed him.

"Ackerman", Levi called. The girl raised her head and looked at him without any concrete emotion. "You okay?"

He felt foolish asking this question. Of course she wasn't. She wasn't any near the dumb okay. But Mikasa sobbed and stood up with the straightest posture possible, as if they were on the military drill. She stared straight forward, and didn't look at him anymore.

"Yes, sir."

"Oh cut it out, will ya", he replied with a small sigh. "C'mon. Let's go."

She followed him in the opposite direction, away from the basement stairway. They passed the corridor and went upstairs, to the smaller dining hall behind the thick oak door. It was almost completely dark inside. Levi reached across the big central table to find the candle and the matches. He lit the candle, and its greasy black smoke arose, in a ribbon-like shape, up to the high ceiling.

"Don't wanna sleep either, do you?", he asked, while lighting up the thin sliver to set fire in the kitchen hearth.

"No, sir."

Mikasa kept standing on the threshold, one arm behind her back and another one stretched along the hip. She didn't move when he passed by to reach the counter.

He straightened up with a shiny kettle in one arm and a bag of dried linden flowers in the other.

"Quit that _sir_ thing."

And for the first time during this night, as he poured cold water into the kettle and then hung it onto the cooking hook right above the fireplace, Mikasa drew her attention towards him. Her fist clenched upon the hip, but the other arm slipped, relaxing, from behind her spine.

"Sit down."

She planted herself on the long bench, holding uncomfortably to its edge. The unresting light of flame went jumping back and forth around her, little-by-little hiding and revealing her face, her slim fingers, her shoulders. Levi took two cups from the drying rack, and they answered with a soft knock when he put them onto the table, close enough to Mikasa so she would be able to reach for one, but within enough distance so she wouldn't be disturbed. She needed space right now, that much he realized.

The cracking sounds were coming from the hearth, with the kettle bubbling and gradually starting to boil. Levi stared into the fire, and so did the girl next to him. She seemed content. Her tears have dried out. She was motionless.

How strong she can be, he wondered. A promising soldier with extraordinarily developed skills and flawlessly acting reflexes, a brave warrior, she alone was worth of the whole 104th training corps. Should she wish for it, Eren's face would've been by now all covered in reddish-blue prints of her fists.

There was only one time when Levi saw Mikasa out of control. At that operation in the woods, that was. When the Female Titan ate Eren out of his titan body, and its reeky yellow teeth went by within an inch from Eren's unprotected neck.

The kettle was boiling. Levi stood up, keeping calm, and poured the hot liquid over the fragrant golden flowers and their light-green leaves. There was a scent of honey rising from the cups to reach his nose. He pushed one of the cups towards Mikasa, sat at his former place and made a small sip from another cup. The silence was only broken by the soothing crackle of the burning logs. Mikasa reached slowly for her cup, and took it with both of her hands, as if she suddenly felt cold and wanted to warm herself that way. She looked down into the clear green liquid. She still was quiet.

"So", Levi said, after a minute.

"It was my fault", Mikasa stated one more time. "Don't punish Eren... for what he did."

"Like hell I won't punish him, brat. What he did was no good, even by his own standards."

"He's had a bad dream. He wasn't feeling well. I think he might've--"

"No shit, Ackerman", Captain's voice was soft, in contrast with the curse. "It was not your fault. You don't have to protect him from me."

Some part of him was looking forward to get this conversation over with. He expected her to repeat the damned _yes sir_ so he could finally shut the fuck up, but Mikasa blushed instead and asked him,

"Have you ever... loved someone, Captain?"

There was a slight hesitation in Levi's eyes for a moment. He'd never really thought in such terms. Of Erwin, he thought, _I trust him_ , _I protect him_ , _I’m worried about him_. Well, at times, it was _I fuck him and it feels so good as if I was in safety and away from all troubles for one night, and when he’s not around I miss his hand touching my shoulder and his lips moaning my name,_ too.

"...Yes", he responded. "But do you think you could ever hit someone you loved?"

She didn't answer. Levi reached out and touched her shoulder. It was warm. Her uniform was neat and clean, he noticed. He liked it, though he wouldn't mind if it was carelessly ironed or dirty.

"There. Drink your tea."

Mikasa sipped warm linden tea, and Levi held her shoulder awkwardly and felt strange things going through his mind. He tried imagining what it would feel like if Erwin hit him. What it would feel like if, instead of apologizing or laughing to his constant discourtesy, Erwin for once slapped humanity's strongest soldier like Eren just did to the strongest soldier of the 104th training corps. Levi tried, but he couldn't.

For Erwin had never wanted any harm to be done to him. Erwin could get annoyed, upset, anxious. He could swear and raise his voice in the hottest of their arguments, but he could have never brought himself to causing pain. For Levi, he was a tender lover, a Commander, an advisor - but he was never a threat.

And suddenly Levi realized that, of all people behind the walls, Eren was the only one who Mikasa couldn’t protect herself from.

"Be strong, soldier", he said, his hand patting Mikasa's head in a rough but caring way, "I ain't gonna leave you unprotected. Yeager's your family, I know, but you gotta stand for yourself, too. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Wouldn’t allow anyone else to treat you like that, would you?"

"No, sir."

He smiled bitterly. "Told ya to quit that sir thing."


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Levi asked Mikasa if she would find it fine to accompany him on listening to Eren's explanations and letting him out. He has iterated this simple offering beforehand. He tried his best to make it sound less like an order and more like a request, but he wasn't sure about the way in which requests were different from the orders. He was not used to asking anyone's permission, or waiting for agreement. Or giving them to anyone.

But Mikasa did find it fine, and even if his question resembled a command, she presented no reaction to this fact.

Eren was already awake and waiting for them when they came. His face was pale, there were dark shadows under his eyes. The rest of the night went tough for the boy, perhaps, as it was freezingly cold in the basement, and quite lonely. Levi didn’t feel sorry about that at all. His anger has not expired, the sound of pain, of enforced power, of offense still vivid in his head. The sound of bad memories and ill omens, it was.

When they approached to the cage, Yeager shoved his fingers through the bars, clinging to the door to see them better. His cheeks went rose when he saw Mikasa walking few steps behind the Captain. He looked restless, puzzled, and there was a sign of embarrassment to that expression as well. He was ready to admit his fault. Ready to ask for forgiveness, even. It was good, in Levi's opinion, as he wondered if the boy still had some sense of conscience, and it appeared that the boy did.

“Mikasa! Are you okay?”, Eren's voice was hoarse from all the cold and humidity.

“Yes”, the girl answered. She was once again emotionless, and it took Levi a second to realize that her attitude towards Eren was now somewhat colder than it used to be.

“I’m so sorry, I… I didn’t mean hitting you. I really didn't.”

Eren made an attempt to grab Mikasa's hand, but she dodged, moving almost invisibly away from the cage. Levi liked this gesture.

“Okay brat. Are you in piece now? Your rage’s gone, I reckon, isn’ it?”

“Yes, Captain. I’m truly sorry.”

There was something about these words that enraged Levi even more, but he only uttered sarcastically, “Being sorry doesn't help very much." Eren bowed his head without a reply. Levi huffed. "Well anyway, get the fuck away from that door.”

Eren moved away and sat himself on the bed. Levi opened the door and walked in, the darkness of the chamber getting thicker around him. Mikasa stayed outside, leaning against the wall, face hidden again under the scarf. She didn’t want to be close to Eren right now, and Levi could understand her.

“Now, tell me ‘bout that dream you had, since you ain't got nothin' better. Did you remember the time bein' inside your titan body?”

“No, but I… I think it really was more of a... memory. There was this woman... she looked a lot like Historia, but she was older. And black-haired. I think they’re connected in some way. But Historia didn't tell us about any of her relatives, aside from her parents...”

“So you’ve had a dream of a girl, and you slapped your fellow soldier in the face for that?”

“I’m sorry”, Eren’s cheeks were blushing even more now. The Captain took a small breath to remind himself of his responsibilities. At the end of the day, even beating the hell out of this youngster wouldn't really fix anything.

“I’ll tell squad leader Hange ‘bout the reason you were late today. But you must learn how to keep your feelings under control, you get that?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Great, you’re damn brilliant. Now get the fuck outta here.”

The boy stood up and took his way out. He was about to step outside, into the quivering spot of a torches' light, when Levi caught him by the sleeve. He looked up at Eren's face, right into the eyes, and whispered with the strongest conviction,

“If you ever hurt someone from my squad again, I will break both of your legs, and I will watch them heal.”

Eren swallowed, but kept calm. He didn't say a word when the Captain followed him into the corridor's winking twilight, and closed the door made of cold, strong bars, and clapped his hands gently to dust off the tiny crumbles of red rust. And the three of them walked back to the stairway in silence, both kids pacing uncomfortably ahead of their Captain.

Levi felt better about them now. He felt Eren's fear. He enjoyed it.

When they finally climbed the stairs and the two have fled off to their daily routine, Levi stopped near the window. He looked outside. There were patches of grey clouds crowding up in the sky, and the birds didn't sing as loudly as they usually did, and thus the Captain knew it would rain soon. His squad was scattered across the backyard, rare sunrays gently warming their heads. Jean and Connie were sparring in the shadow of an oak tree's crown. Historia went by to take a basket from the well. Hange and others were standing in the distance; Eren and Mikasa ran off towards them. There will be one more training to investigate Eren's shifting skills. The last rehearsal did not end successfully.

"Captain Levi!"

He turned away from the window, and saw Armin Arlert stretching his thin five-feet-four figure in the white rectangle of a door jamb. The boy made sure he had Captain's attention and continued, "The Commander is leaving to the city of Mitras. He's near the stables. He wanted to see you."

"...I see. Thanks."

Armin bowed slightly and vanished from the threshold. Levi marched down to the door.

Erwin should have not been riding. He was still weak, and he had a hard time coming to terms with his injury. Nevertheless, he almost fled the hospital the minute the doctor announced the Commander's overall well-being, and it was bringing Levi to the point of exasperation to witness his futile enthusiasm. With a single stupid arm, he would only exhaust himself by riding all the way to the Wall Sheena. It will take at least a whole stupid day for him to reach the gates of Ehrmich district. And the stupid horse could be in hand back here, if the situation had exacerbated and the plans were about to change...

_I'm worried about him._

He walked around the building to the stables. The air was stuffy and motionless. _Stupid rain will soak my stupid Commander._ Levi couldn't help grinning to this thought, though the rain was the last thing he would want to happen in duration of Erwin's journey. Helping the Commander's potential fever and cough didn't exactly fit into his schedule.

Erwin greeted him with a smile. He was trying to untie his horse, which was merely impossible with the help of a single hand. Levi didn't ask - he just kindly pushed Erwin's arm aside, and then released the rope from its loop. The rope felt hot, and dry, and unpleasant.

"If you were spendin' less time on tiring yourself up with horses and more on explaining your plans to the soldiers, we wouldn't lose time in the world's butt here. Could be goin' faster with our plan."

"You're right. But then I wouldn't see you before my departure, would I?"

"That's impractical."

"Well--" Erwin bent over, so infinitely close Levi could smell smoke and sweat, and see the tan line on the Commander's neck and a small scar on his chin - _hell it's adorable, -_ "I'm fine being impractical."

Levi's forehead felt warm from the light touch of Erwin's lips.

As the horse was untied and equipped, Erwin went on with his preparations. He put on his jacket, shrugging and twitching his limb, as if his arm was still there and he could use it. Levi stepped aside and watched him with patience. The Commander always felt awkward and (for some reason) more guilty when Levi tried to help him with dressing, and Levi gave up on it the second he realized that Erwin felt that way. All that's left for him was to look around and lean against the relatively clean saddle which was hanging on the low stable door. The spit-shined leather squeaked under his spine. He closed his eyes, listening to the soft rustle of Erwin's moves, and to his own thoughts. The latter felt more settling.

_I trust him._

"I heard you and Eren have had a conflict", the Commander's voice broke the silence. Levi opened his eyes.

"Yeah", he replied, "But ya don't have to worry 'bout that."

"I do worry, though. He's still a child. I know he's impulsive, he can even be difficult to deal with--"

"...Difficult?"

Erwin stopped rustling and gazed at him with a small surprise in his look. Levi moved from the door, arms crossed, eyes staring stubbornly right into Commander's face.

"Ain't no need callin' his behaviour difficult when there's a word for it", he muttered, "It's called bein' a douchebag. I saw him slapping my strongest soldier in the face, and she did... she could do nothing to protect herself." He made a short pause and took a breath. The air was hot and not refreshing at all. Erwin listened to him without interrupting, with his palm resting upon the horse's back. "The boy's not merely a troublemaker, Erwin. It's not even his titan form we're talkin' about. And--", Levi's eyes now watched somewhat lower, "--my fault, too. Should've stopped him before what's happened."

The Commander was silent for a moment, and then nodded.

"...I see. He really doesn't know how to halt his emotions, huh? I thought he'd be easier to control, considering his age and the strong will for serving humanity... as much as he understands what serving humanity means", he sighed, and added softly, "I'm sorry you had to go through this."

"Not me whom ya should feel sorry for."

"True", Erwin returned to his jacket. "Well, I trust you and hope that you can sort this out. I'll leave my last orders to Squad Leader Hange, and we'll be proceeding accordingly to our plan. If the MPs or wallists or whoever killed Nick wants us dead, they'll have to take their time and plan the ambush first. We will use this opportunity to--"

"I thought what it'd feel like if it was me."

The following silence was so tense Levi could almost feel it on his arms, and shoulders, and inside his ears. Erwin was staring at him, as if he couldn't believe that what he's just heard was true, but feared questioning it.

"What... did you say?", he finally asked, and Levi regretted he didn't shut his mouth earlier, but it was too late to back down, so he went on.

"I thought what it would feel like. If you hit me. Got mad or somethin'. If... y'know."

"And what would it feel like?"

"Dunno. I think I'd better... better be fuckin' dead."

And there was a moment of silence again, in which Levi has managed to figure out about a hundred of worst-case scenarios for the upcoming Commander's reaction. Erwin could laugh at him. Erwin could get upset, could think that Levi doesn't trust him enough. Erwin could say that, since Levi is so afraid of him, the two of them shouldn't really get in each other's way. Erwin could. But he didn't.

Instead, he fastened the last button of his jacket clumsily, and then he reached his hand and gripped Levi around the shoulders. And he whispered, his voice tender and loving, "Come here, Captain." And Levi obeyed, and leaned into the Commander's embrace, and had his face hidden in the folds of Erwin's jacket that smelled like smoke, horse sweat, and gunpowder. And he sobbed, and shivered, and then he just believed.

"I will never hurt you, Levi", the sweet voice went on, somewhere above his head. "I will never bring you any pain. Physical or emotional. You're my darling, my beautiful soldier. You're my very heart, I wouldn't dare wounding you. Do you believe me?"

Levi nodded, and sobbed again, and nodded more, as if there was not enough consent in a single nod so he needed many. He believed. His hands grabbed Erwin's jacket and squeezed it, and would not let go, and it felt like he was drowning for a second and this jacket was his only mean to survive. And he looked desperate and childish, and Erwin smiled at him, and the scent of his clothes was odd and strong, but it didn't matter anymore. To Levi, nothing was important but the one-limbed grasp of this precious man, of his Chosen One. For he has been following his Commander for years now, but it never ceased astounding him how lucky he was, just having Erwin, just believing him.

"You'll be okay, Levi. I'll take care of you."

 

When Levi finally stopped sobbing and went silent, Erwin put his palm on the one of Levi's hands, and pulled it delicately, and released the uniform from its clutch. He repeated this process with another hand. He kissed Levi's forehead once again. Levi helped him to mount the horse. He then led it outside and gave Erwin the reins.

"Don't grieve, Captain. We'll meet again soon", Erwin smiled. He jiggled the reins to direct the horse towards the gates.

"Shouldn't be riding, still", Levi grumbled, but a small grin managed to blink on his face and was now rounding his slim, rose-red cheeks. "Good luck, Commander!"

Erwin was already within a few yards from him when he suddenly waved and called, the words springing cheerily from the walls and cobblestones, "Hey butthead!"

And Erwin stopped and looked back at him, nearly laughing.

"I fuckin' love you!"

"I love you too, Levi."

 

On his way back, he spotted Mikasa on the backyard. She was training. She took a small kitchen knife, and she aimed at the old oak tree at the end of the lane, and she threw it and took it back from the wounded tree, again and again, with force that reminded Levi of hatred. She didn't turn away from her aim when the Captain approached and held on to watch her.

“Hey Ackerman.”

“Yes?”

“You're wastin' your time. If you wanna kill somebody with that knife, then hit fuckin' harder.”

Her tight grasp held the knife firmly, trained to the point of complete automatism, and the cold, small raindrops flew off from the silvery blade when she flung it right into the oak's trunk.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on thoughts of ackerbond and a premise made by Russian-speaking eruri fans.  
> /god I think I need a beta reader/


End file.
